Everyone keeps telling us how great Mia has been looking recently. And she has been looking great! Her beautiful eyebrows and eyelashes are back, her hair is starting to come in all dark and fuzzy, her eyes are bright, her color is peachy and she is full of energy and smiles.
How good she looks and how well she feels, however, is just a reminder that we have been off her chemo for the last three months. And the doctors feel she needs this extra chemo. It seems like we are just waiting for something scary to happen - again. On the other hand, it is so wonderful that she can enjoy each day and accomplish new things and smile and giggle.
My heart is still so heavy even when Mia laughs. Heavy because the threat is still very real, maybe somewhere in her perfect chubby little body right now. Heavy because the smiles can't hide the memory of the pain that she suffered and may have to again. Heavy because the thought of life without her is like living without the sun.
In our normal lives we worry so much about our children. We worry about illness or accidents or harm from bad people. We worry about the unthinkable. Although for us, it is much more than just a worry.