"She's such a little trooper" we have heard so often. "So brave." "An inspiration." Well, maybe so. But the beautiful thing is that she doesn't even know it. She's just being Mia. Wonderful Mia.
She has always been wise beyond her years. She seems to know that all this is necessary. She is also very perceptive. So much that we have to watch what we say. She doesn't need to know our fears even though she can sense that they are there.
She has always been a good patient. She didn't even cry for her one year old vaccines. She knows that Mommy and Daddy are there and that she is safe.
She seems to take it all in stride. When we told her there were only a few more hospital chemos left, she said, "Well, I'm sort of getting used to it." How we wish she didn't have to get used to it. Sometimes we?d like her to yell, "No! I don't want to do this!" and punch someone in the nose. But she wouldn't do that. It's just not Mia.
She takes is all with grace and acceptance. The doctor once asked us how we had gotten her so calm before her bone marrow biopsy. We said that we just told her we have to go for our back test now. She didn't even complain about discomfort afterwards. Maybe she is getting too used to discomfort.
None of us can ever know how terrible she feels after chemotherapy. The night afterward is usually pretty bad exhaustion, nausea and vomiting, intense aches mostly feeling extremely yucky. The week after she eats very little. Food smells, tastes, and textures bother her a lot. We cannot know how weak and tired she feels when her hemoglobin is low and she needs a transfusion. She keeps going all day though.
Thank goodness she doesn't seem to remember the very terrible times. When the pain was so bad she could barely move. When a sip of water was like fire going down. When she couldn't eat for over a month. We hope to God she never has to feel like that again. And still she got through all those times to feeling so good again.
We are so thankful that she feels better. So thankful for just the little things like swimming a lap and reading a book. The big things don't seem to mean as much, that she missed kindergarten graduation or that it is possible to be in the hospital for Christmas. Every day is what matters. We are thankful for every day.