Usually I have planned out in my head what to write in these updates. I have thought about it for some time, and when my emotions are finally in check, I can actually sit at the computer and see the words on the screen. For this edition, I really didn't have a plan, I just don't know what to write. Maybe I just didn't want you to know what has been in my head this summer.
I didn't want you to know that every day I think of what life would be like without her. Everything would be so empty with no sunshine - everyday things like her empty bed, only three of us at the dinner table, not seeing her beautiful face or hearing her giggle and special things like birthdays and Christmas and Disney.
Andrew just turned five this summer and Mia was five when this all started. Andrew doesn't remember what Mia is like with hair. It is hard to believe we have been doing this for so long. The recent stories I have heard about other kids who have been fighting for so long have not had a happy ending. If there isn't going to be a happy ending, one might wonder if it would be better to be quick rather than going through all this.
I didn't want you to know that I think of these things every day that I still cry every day. Recently, though things are a little better. Believe it or not, things got better after Mia spent nearly a week in the pediatric ICU. Even though she was very sick, she made it through and she is still here. We still see her beautiful smile every day.
Each day she is with us is such a blessing and I wouldn't have missed a single day. Yes this whole thing is unfair. Yes we wonder where God has been and if He has heard our prayers. Yes we may even have to face the thought of being without her. Our lives were not supposed to be like this, but we'll take every day we get. The most important thing is that she is here with us today.