I know, I know. Thank you for so patiently waiting for me to get my act together and update you. Sometimes I think for a long time about what to say before sitting down to write it. Sometimes I just write down what I am thinking at the time. But each and every time it takes a lot of mental and emotional preparation just to see my thoughts in words in front of me. Sometimes I just have to wait another day until I am able.
And yes, the last couple of months have been extremely emotional and exhausting. Even when Mia is doing so well, it is still a struggle to retain my barely-held-together composure. Even when we reach such a huge milestone, it is still not over. Nowhere near over. My beautiful perfect baby is still in the fight for her life. A year after living this nightmare, I still can't believe this has happened to the most wonderful girl in the whole world.
I have been wanting to thank each and every one of you for giving us the strength to get through this. Thank you for your words of comfort and concern. Thank you for your little gifts and gestures. Thank you for the hugs and just for being there for us. Most of all, thank you for your prayers. I know they are working. But we still need them. We still need your prayers. Thank you so much for all you have done for us. We love you all.
I thought about ending with a reprise of an earlier Reflections from July, because the feelings are still as intense as the day I wrote them: please don't ask me how I'm doing. Not unless you want to hear how I?m only pretending to be okay. I try to smile while my heart aches constantly and tears are always a moment away. I get a lump in my throat just looking at my perfect, wonderful girl and thinking of all she has been through, and all that is yet to come. I can see the scars on the outside but she is so brave that she hasn't shown us the ones on the inside that I know must be there. I worry every day - Just please don't ask me how I'm doing. I won't be okay for a very long time.